Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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