I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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