Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
