I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
