My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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