WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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