Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
