How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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