i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
