Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
