So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize