is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
