I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize