i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
