take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
