he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
