The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
