I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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