So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
