just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
