For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
