you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
