I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
