wanna go halves on a baby?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
