i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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