____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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