my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
