The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
