i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
