it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize