i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
