im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
