Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And then my night got REAL pukey
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
