The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
