can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
