If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize