Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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