in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
