He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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