How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
