i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
