Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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