it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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