I just made out with a guy for $7.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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