i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
