When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
