drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
