You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
