I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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