Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
