first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
