At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
