Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
