His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
