yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
