Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
