you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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