you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
