I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Too much gin, very little bucket
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize