Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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