wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
