It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
