It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
