Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize