i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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