please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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