OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
