the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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