How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
