You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
