Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
