she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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