every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
