Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
