I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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