I can't breathe out the right side of my face
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wish you could order shots online.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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