it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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