I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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