tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
