I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
