yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
