party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just invented taco cereal.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
