my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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