she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
