New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
