I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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