there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize