I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
