oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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