Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I have already put on my inside pants.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
