is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
