I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
