he wants to bone in the snuggie
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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