if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
two words...techno handjob
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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