ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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