the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
