every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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