i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
