me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
