So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize