toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
