Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wish you could order shots online.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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