I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
