I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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