I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
