I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
you never un-have a 4some
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
